Faff & Fluff: The Art of Saying Nothing (but sounding smart!)
How empty jargon is taking over conversations everywhere and is a real productivity killer.
I coined this phrase today after some recent observations on LinkedIn and well, in boardrooms. Faff & Fluff – the art of using vague, over-the-top jargon to sound impressive while ultimately saying… well, nothing. It’s the linguistic equivalent of packing a suitcase with only bubble wrap inside – plenty of volume, no substance.
There’s a certain kind of magic in Faff & Fluff. Not the kind that solves problems or moves the needle – but the kind that fills the air with empty words and leaves everyone nodding as if enlightenment just struck.
Here’s how it usually sounds:
“We need to ideate on a forward-thinking, out-of-the-box strategy to create meaningful synergies across all touchpoints and align on shared goals.”
Translation: Let’s brainstorm.
Or:
“It’s important to curate a bespoke experience that authentically resonates with key stakeholders and leverages our network to drive impactful outcomes.”
Translation: We need to do something, but we don’t know what.
The brilliance of Faff & Fluff lies in its ability to simultaneously mean everything and nothing. It’s like a Rorschach test for business language – people hear whatever they want to hear. For some, it’s an impressive display of intellect. For others, it’s white noise in a boardroom. As someone who thrives on crisp communication and actionable tasks, this is my absolute mortal enemy.
But the problem with Faff & Fluff goes beyond irritation. It’s a productivity killer. While everyone’s busy “aligning on synergies” and “envisioning innovative paradigms,” actual plans are often left untouched. The wheel spins endlessly, but the cart doesn’t move.
So why is it so popular? Because it feels safe. It’s a way of sounding intelligent without committing to specifics. After all, who can challenge a statement as nebulous as “driving a holistic approach to success”?
But maybe it’s time to retire Faff & Fluff for good. Instead of dressing up simple ideas in convoluted language, let’s focus on clarity. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Keep it real, actionable. Get.Things.Done. And leave the bubble wrap where it belongs – protecting fragile items, not fragile egos.
Because at the end of the day, a suitcase full of bubble wrap is still empty.
